Number Twenty

We have a little girl with us this week and she marks the 20th foster child who has walked through our door.  Now, Ava has been our only 'official' placement, the other 19 have been respites ranging in length from one day to two weeks.  I share this with you not to brag or gloat in ANY way, we are far from extraordinary people, no, instead I share this with you because the need is always there, for whatever you can do!  I have had several people tell me that they could never do foster care because they could never say 'Goodbye' to a child who has been in the home for a long time.  I am beyond thankful that we have never had to do that, so I can't honestly even answer that question.  (Not to say we haven't had some sad 'Goodbyes', there have been tears shed at the end of some of our longer respites.)  But, I do know that we have had these 19 kids, who have come and gone, touch and enrich our lives in ways I could never have imagined.  There is always a need for respite homes, police protective custody homes and 4 hour hold homes.  Even if you don't think you could take a long term kiddo, but feel a tug on your heart to help, consider becoming one of these!  The process is still the same (you would have to become a licensed foster home), but once you are licensed, you are never committed at that point to take a 'long term placement'.  I have said "No" to FAR more respite calls than we have accepted (far more), so there is always room for more foster homes.  Of course, the need is also great for homes who can take longer term placements, especially older kids and sibling sets.  As always, if you ever have ANY questions about fostering, ask away or call and ask your local foster agency.  

These 20 kids (one of whom is now our 'forever daughter') have touched our family in beautiful ways.  I am happy to have met each of them.

"Spread the Word to End the Word"

March 6th is national "Spread the Word to End the Word" day.  What word are we wanting to end you might ask?  Let me tell you a little bit about my story with this word- the word we are talking about is the word 'retarded'.  I will be totally honest with you here; that word used to roll off my tongue very easily 8 years ago.  I would say something like "Oh my word, stop being so retarded" or "That movie was so retarded".  Now, at the time, I *never* imagined that I was hurting anyone or even comparing that word to someone who had mental disabilities  In fact, I had a passion for people with Down syndrome.  It really never crossed my mind that my words were hurting others.  "I'm not comparing that to someone who has (fill in the blank)", I would think.   I often wonder how many moms, who were struggling after their child was diagnosed with some sort of cognitive delay, heard that word slip so easily of my tongue.  I know they had to hear at times.  Did I ever make someone cry?  It hurts my heart to think back and wonder, so instead, I move forward and will share why this word hurts.

I have had people say "You are just being overly sensitive, you KNOW people aren't referring to Logan when they say it." or "No one says it to be truly hurtful".  While I do know that most people who say it don't intend to personally offend me or Logan, I just want to share a few thoughts with you, and I am going to be blunt. This is something I have had to work through in my own mind as well, and it was a painful process.  When you say "Oh my gosh, I am so retarded" or "That (item) is so retarded" you are, because of certain stereotypes, comparing whatever or whoever it is to someone who has mental or physical disabilities.  Logan does certain things, makes certain noises, and makes certain faces that fit with common stereotypes because he has Down syndrome.  These stereotypes are what people think of when they say "You are so retarded" and therefore, you are comparing whatever it is, to my son.  Now, before you say "No, I'm not!"  Please just take some time to really sit and think about it.  When I really sat down and thought about it, I realized that there is really no way around it.  I was comparing something or someone who was or did something stupid or slow or goofy or something that didn't measure up to my expectations or whatever it was....the list goes on, to the stereotypes of someone who was 'retarded'.  And there *are* people who use it to hurt on purpose.  I have had some really awful encounters where the word "retarded" was certainly used as a hurtful insult.  A lot of times I let the word slide, especially when I know the person thinks like I used to think, when I  *know* they aren't intending to hurt someone.  But, I will admit, every time I hear it or read it on FB or hear a friend say it when talking about something, it stings.  It stings because I know that my sweet Logan faces challenges every day and will his whole life due to his Down syndrome.  It stings because I see what he has already overcome and to see someone compare something they feel is stupid to him, hurts.

Logan is many things, but he is not stupid.  He is brave, kind, compassionate, caring, loving, a good friend, a hard worker, a good brother, funny, smart, a fighter, forgiving....the list goes on.  Here is one of my all time favorite blogs about the word "retarded".  She says it more eloquently than I ever could.

Being Retarded

Anyway, all I am asking is that if you use the word 'retarded' in every day language, to please stop and think.  Think and then please choose a different word.  "Oh my goodness, that is SO ridiculous!"  <---- A better alternative.  Do it for my son.