Ten years.
That sounds like such a long passage of time, but it takes just moments to happen. The 'blink of an eye', they say.
I can't believe I'm here, writing about Logan being ten years old. Even saying "He's ten" takes my breath away.
However, in some ways, this also seems like forever ago.......
I remember holding this precious baby in my arms, my entire life having just been turned upside down, just looking at him and wondering what this meant for us. For our family, for our other boys, for our marriage. I remember after the initial shock wore off feeling so at peace about his Down syndrome in that moment--the moment he was a tiny baby. But I was inwardly terrified about five years out and *gasp* TEN years out. It was hard to wrap my brain around what life would be like when he was ten. I couldn't imagine what he would be like when he was walking, talking and going to school. WOULD he be walking, talking and going to school? Would I be able to handle having a child with special needs? The 'what ifs' were endless; but God was already there, graciously holding on to all of those moments in His loving hands.
Some how, time has passed and here we are, the age I was scared of and you know what? It isn't scary! Five wasn't scary, either, for that matter. God has been faithful to give grace upon grace during moments along the way. I'm not going to say that there haven't been scary times. We've had some pretty intense times, actually. Some unexpected 'what ifs'. But, we made it and Logan is full of LIFE. He lives each day to the absolute fullest. He reminds me to have fun in the mundane. He teaches me much. Don't get me wrong, he can be stubborn and bull headed at times, but that just adds to his character :) Our life is fuller because of him. Our family and marriage, stronger.
Truth be told, I still get anxious about the future. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a bit scared of age fifteen and age *gasp* twenty! Those thoughts, if I dwell too long, can grip me with fear. However, as we've seen all along, God is already there, graciously holding on to all those moments in His loving hands. Ready to give us grace to handle each "what if" that comes our way.
So I wish my sweet guy the happiest of Birthdays and hope to celebrate MANY more! Love you Logan Todd, to the moon and back again!!
